2 weeks in and I'm down 9.2 pounds! Whoop whoop! Ok, that's how I'm supposed to feel, but I don't. I feel like it's not good enough and I have sooooo far to go! I'm frustrated and beat down. My Dr dropped a bomb on me last week and followed it up this week with "I'm too heavy to proceed any further!" BAM!! Just like that -9 pounds doesn't seem to matter. I'm stuck in that spot in my head where I just know I have to work harder, eat less! Obsessing over every bite and every step! It's not healthy and even though those are important aspects of what I'm trying to do for myself; it's not all of it! I'm trying to teach myself that I'm worth it. I'm worth all of this.
It's hard to explain how I got here. Thinking I'm ugly and fat, and my husband can do so much better. Also, it's hard to not feel judged by my Dr who thinks I just sit around all day eating doughnuts. I got fat! I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. Do they know why, or how? No! I will not sit here and tell you I got to this weight eating only salad, we all know that's not true. However, I've gone through things in my life that enabled my eating, or sedentary lifestyle. Trust me I know lots of people have gone through similar things and not gained weight, maybe even lost weight with their depression. But I can't speak to that. I can only speak to my story. I hope instead of judging me that someone out there can find inspiration in what I'm trying to do for me!
Love always, Queen B
