The Honeymoon is Over

I'm going to try my hardest to not make this a negative Nancy post, but since we've been back home, I find myself more upset then excited. I've been trying diligently to give it to God and pray like the dickens that it will all work out, but something won't stop nagging at me! I think it's important to interject here that I've been super sick since we've been home too, and that probably is not helping my mind frame!

I have always set out to be as honest as possible with everyone when it comes to our journey. I can't stop now! I think it's so important for anyone looking into adoption or maybe supporting a family adopting to know that it's not all rainbows and butterflies! Now that the excitement of it is wearing off, there's the realness of it all, and that is how in the world are we going to pay for all of this!!?? Have we made the right decisions in allowing her to meet our daughter? Is she going to follow through with all of this after we give up everything we've worked so hard to save for our family? These questions are so hard, and I don't know how Chris looks at my messy self, smiles and continues to tell me it's all going to be ok!

If there was an ever an incredible man alive, it is all Chris! That man is literally the most supportive, amazing dude! Like a really good sports bra! :) All jokes aside he's handling this all well! I'm ever so grateful that although our journey has been painful, through it all we still have each other! I think I'm handling it well considering who I am... ( a great big ball or worry)! We've been proactive with our first fundraiser and that is keeping my mind and hands busy. It's just so overwhelming to think about taking $30,000- $40,000 away from our family right now!

It's not all about the money, we've done this before and somehow by grace of God we will do it again! Now though, the stakes are higher! Our sweet Jaisalyn's heart is involved; she has met this woman who gave her life. She has met her sisters. They will always be out there now, and even though I'm so excited for her to know that, it hurts my heart to think that it could all go away at any moment. I guess what I'm trying to say is.. if you've seen me in the last week, and I wasn't screaming it from the rooftops, or smiling ear to ear.... it's because I'm so very scared right now! I'm all up in my head freaking out!!!

I'm writing this to educate and create an understanding
of all the ups and downs adoption can entail! I want you all to know that this all comes down to faith! While, I'm the first to say I don't have that 100% , I can assure you all I'm working on it. So, for my prayer warriors out there, I beg you to keep me in your prayers when it comes to resting my mind with all the "what if's" and to trusting that God brought us here, and He will get us through. It's already a done deal, I just have to sit back and watch it all unfold marvelously! As My God performs miracles!!! All you have to do is look to Jaisalyn to see that!

I hope I didn't lose you,

Queen Crazy :)

And Then There Was FOUR!

I told y’all there was more, and I won’t disappoint!

Before Chris left for deployment we decided we wanted to adopt again! I’ve been researching adoption agencies and nothing really felt right for us! It turns out God had plans of his own!

We barely made it home from the airport Tuesday when I got a voicemail. I went to check it and it turned out being our lawyer who handled Jaisalyn’s adoption! Jaisalyn’s BM (birth mom) is  pregnant again and trying to track us down! She wanted to know if we wanted to adopt the baby. Of course feeling this was a sign from God we said absolutely! Answer to prayer right?

Lawyer said enjoy your holiday (thanksgiving) and we’ll talk Monday! Flash forward to Monday and here we are dealing with the grief of our trashed house and Ilee, and the lawyer wants us to come through Tuesday. Ok no big deal, but wait BM will be there along with 2 of Jaisalyn’s sisters!

A little back story is we have a completely closed adoption and BM did not want to even look at Jaisalyn for fear of changing her mind. We’ve had no communication for the last 5years! Yikes, right?

We went from having a closed adoption and no real possibility of Jaisalyn ever meeting her Bio family to preparing her with the confusion of it all in less than 24 hours! Adoption is not a new word to her, but I’m still not sure she fully understands! She’s elated to be a sister though to her 2 new sisters and to this new baby! We had an amazing visit with BM and her sisters. It was so surreal and crazy how much they all look alike and even act!

This is all new territory for all of us, and we are very unsure of the future. However, we know the Crazy B’s are growing, and we are excited to announce we are “due” May 5! Please keep both our families in prayer that God will continue to work in all our lives!

Elated and emotionally fried,

Queen B

Where to Start?

It’s always been forever since I last wrote, life happens and I just get so caught up living it that it’s sometimes hard to sit down and record! We survived our 6th deployment, barely! Jaisalyn turned 5 and is in her second year of preschool! She’s loving it, and can’t wait to go into her full time kindergarten next year! She’s doing ballet, tap, and started hip hop this year too! She LOVES dancing and singing! We’ve all in all done rreally well at staying busy!

I tried my luck with LuLaRoe! It ultimately ended up not being what I thought is was, and even though we loved doing it as a family even, we decided it was bleeding us dry. Now I’m doing what I’ve always done which is some crafts! Chris surprised me with a cricut and I haven’t looked back!

Chris made it home last week and the very next day we headed out to adult, but also a little adventure and family time. We had to go check on our home in Georgia which we haven’t been to in 7 years!!!!
Our landlord has been increasingly more difficult and frustrating with communication and overall just doing their job! So we decided tit was time! It was so bizarre to be back there and see the home we raised Ilee in! Her room is still blue and her glow in the dark star stickers are still all over the ceiling! Even still 7 years later, I can’t believe through all the tenants they’re still there. Our house is a disaster and needs a lot of work. So please pray with us on getting back in a sellable state.

We can’t go back to where it all began and end so to speak, without visiting our dear sweet baby. As hard as it was, especially with a very confused Jaisalyn,  it’s something we’ve wanted and needed to do for so long. We sat as quietly as Jais would allow for a few minutes and visited her grave site.

From here we went straight to the landlords to fire them! I know what you’re thinking! Wow! That’s a lot how can there be more!? Well, most definitely there’s so very much more! I’m sorry but that’s for another day as we are still living it! Trust me you will not want to miss it!


Stay tuned...

Yours always,
Queen B