Where to Start?

It’s always been forever since I last wrote, life happens and I just get so caught up living it that it’s sometimes hard to sit down and record! We survived our 6th deployment, barely! Jaisalyn turned 5 and is in her second year of preschool! She’s loving it, and can’t wait to go into her full time kindergarten next year! She’s doing ballet, tap, and started hip hop this year too! She LOVES dancing and singing! We’ve all in all done rreally well at staying busy!

I tried my luck with LuLaRoe! It ultimately ended up not being what I thought is was, and even though we loved doing it as a family even, we decided it was bleeding us dry. Now I’m doing what I’ve always done which is some crafts! Chris surprised me with a cricut and I haven’t looked back!

Chris made it home last week and the very next day we headed out to adult, but also a little adventure and family time. We had to go check on our home in Georgia which we haven’t been to in 7 years!!!!
Our landlord has been increasingly more difficult and frustrating with communication and overall just doing their job! So we decided tit was time! It was so bizarre to be back there and see the home we raised Ilee in! Her room is still blue and her glow in the dark star stickers are still all over the ceiling! Even still 7 years later, I can’t believe through all the tenants they’re still there. Our house is a disaster and needs a lot of work. So please pray with us on getting back in a sellable state.

We can’t go back to where it all began and end so to speak, without visiting our dear sweet baby. As hard as it was, especially with a very confused Jaisalyn,  it’s something we’ve wanted and needed to do for so long. We sat as quietly as Jais would allow for a few minutes and visited her grave site.

From here we went straight to the landlords to fire them! I know what you’re thinking! Wow! That’s a lot how can there be more!? Well, most definitely there’s so very much more! I’m sorry but that’s for another day as we are still living it! Trust me you will not want to miss it!


Stay tuned...

Yours always,
Queen B

Not Quite Good Enough

I know I'm not alone when I sit here and tell you I've felt inadequate. We all go through our struggles. Lately though, I've been challenged mentally and emotionally with the rate of my success. I think this is what has led me to share my progress so publicly. While opening myself up for ridicule and harsh comments, it also has allowed people in. Maybe there's just one person out there who I can reach, or can reach me back. Maybe it's away to encourage me to keep it up, or maybe it's a self-harming mechanism to punish myself into doing better. Whatever the reasoning, it's done and out there. I do have to say that my FB world of friends and family have been super encouraging, and definitely supportive. I've even enjoyed several private messages asking me what my secret is, or telling me that I encouraged them to get moving! I could not ask for a better support system, and I'm so appreciative for that.

So then why? Why with all this love and support am I still hurting myself? Why do I look in the mirror and still see the fat girl who started all this? Why can't I rejoice in my success like all my supporters? Why am I so discouraged, and have to fight the daily urge to quit? Why, why, why?

I've been thinking and I'd have to say that this is just part of the journey. As someone whose overcome some really painful events in her lifetime, I need to make myself feel good enough. I need to learn to be happy, to see the good in myself, and the beauty that's there within me. I HAVE to see how far I've come, and quit sabotaging my success. I am truly my worst enemy. I'm the only person who can fuel my vessel with the right foods, and sweat off every last pound... so I'm the only person who can authenticate my progress.

I recently joined some fellow Army spouses at what's called Bodyblast, and I can't even begin to put into words how amazing these ladies are. They really have set the bar high on loving each other, and just doing your best always! One thing they've given me is the idea of a non-scale victory! WOW! Looking for these small things daily, can really change your mind frame. (That and your bestie right there by your side trying to shake you out of it)!

All in all, it's a bad season for me mentally, but I will survive; as I have so many times before. If it were easy, I would have changed my life a long time ago. My challenge to anyone in my life that tries to compliment me and encourage me is to call me out if I don't graciously accept it. I'm horrible at "well I'm still fat" or "I still have so far to go!" Also, if you are on your own journey, whatever it may be, PLEASE find a way to enjoy your #nonscalevictories!


Unapologetically,

Queen B

Non-scale Victories
I bought all new clothes in smaller sizes!
Wore shorts in public!
Ran 2 5ks in one weekend!
Had to clean out my closet of all my bigger clothes!
Is running my first ever 10k tomorrow... wish me luck!
Has met so many wonderful people along the way!
Learning daily to love what God gave me ;)

Down 45 lbs, weight 215

I am....

For too long I've been using I am... I woke up this morning with all the I am's.... circling in my mind.

I am too ashamed.
I am too embarrassed.
I am too scared.
I am too fat.
I am too ugly.

I AM full of excuses!!! These are all things I told myself or others in order to not put myself out there. I've hid behind all of these for far too long. As I ran my second 5k yesterday, and celebrated the would have been 6th birthday of Ilee; I realized something... I am no longer holding myself back. I have come so far, and been through so much...

I am determined.
I am motivated.
I am a different person.
I am strong.
I am brave.
I am healthy.
I am beautiful on the inside.

These are the things that matter to me. One day very soon I will be adding, I am confident in who I am! Not there yet, but I'm definitely cruising right along. I never dreamed of being a runner; not that I'd say I'm a runner yet, but I shaved 11 minutes off my first 5ks time yesterday. That's a huge accomplishment that I'm very proud of. I never thought I could live again without Ilee, and here I am still celebrating her life several years later.

I am getting there! I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's Day!

Week almost 12 (tomorrow)

Down 40.4 lbs  weight  219.6

Moving Right Along

Once again, it's been awhile. I have had a very busy few weeks! I'm moving into week 11 of my new lifestyle and I'd like to say that my progress is incredible. I'm feeling better, sleeping better, and doing better than I have in a long time. I can't believe how far I've come. Friends are starting to notice and comment, and we all know how good that feels. Motivation is right where it needs to be, and this week I'm going to face my fear and work out in public. I'm switching up my routine a bit this week and getting out of my bubble (treadmill in my room).Wish me luck as I embark on this exciting, scary journey tomorrow.

Going from the bubbley, outgoing, cray cray lady to this in the shell kind of girl is hard. I miss the old me, and it's hard to not feel broken. It's funny when you set out to make such a big change in your life what goes in and out of focus for you. I'm still me, wild and cooky (hey it's in the genes), just down a little deeper now! I've had a rough few weeks due to illness, but I finally feel like I'm moving again. I definitely got off track mentally and that was weighing on me more than any of this weight. It takes a special friend, you know the one and only person who can tell you that sorta thing with out breaking you, to get in your head and get you right back to where you need to be. To my special lady, thank you and I love you!

I had to sit down, and look at what I've done in the short time I did it in. I needed to seriously revamp my goals, and remember the real reason I started doing this. I did not slip up at all, but was in a LONG stall. While doing all of this, and the well deserved butt chewing from above mentioned friend; I had all I need to dive back in and give it hell!

For the first time since I've started this, and knowing I still have far to go; I'm excited to share with you all my progress. I pray that while reading this you are inspired to jump up and do it with me. I know you can!!!

Love always,

Queen B

Week 10: 223 lbs

Down 37 pounds!

Long Live the Queen

Every time I sit down to do this, I start with it's been awhile, and well it has! Things in our lives are continually changing, and I'm not alone in that. Since, I've posted we've made some major lifestyle changes! After 4 months with our last sweet foster baby, we've decided to take a break from fostering! It's funny, because we went to Washington to visit family for a month with the baby, and they now have a new appreciation for what we do! They understand fully how hard it is to love a baby, and give it back not knowing the fate of what will come. Even with this new support system, we decide the best thing for our daughter is to take a break. She's 3 and doesn't understand where the new baby has gone. She continuously asks for him, and it's heartbreaking to say the least! This, however doesn't take away our desires to have a big family, but we will take a break for now and revisit later.

Meanwhile, I've decided to make a huge change in myself, and FINALLY lose the weight I've been holding onto since we've started this baby making journey 11 years ago! WOW I'm old! I've gained 130 lbs through fertility treatments, depression, and just complacency! I started a new 1,200 calorie diet with the biggest loser, and am working out 6 x a week! I drink a gallon of water a day, and am doing pretty good considering! I'm not hungry, and I'm eating good foods. I have joined several 5ks, and am sooo excited about them. (If you would like to follow along with my diet, or working out look me up on my fitness pal. )

Starting this diet is a huge change for myself and my family. I thought some of the harder things would be feeding them as well as me, but to my surprise they are loving my healthy food. Jaisalyn wants to eat everything I am, and usually does 2-3 helpings of her veggies!! Proud parents here lol! Working out has also been challenging considering the change in calorie intake, but I'm still managing that well too. I'm 1 week in and surprised at how well I'm doing! I've already lost 5.6 lbs! Gone forever! I'm also down 6 inches! I was chugging away doing wonderful, and then something unforeseen happened, and Aunt Flow paid a visit. Ding dang it! Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. It's a game changer for sure, but I've maintained my diet and exercise and stayed the course. However, my weight loss has suffered! How do I mentally get over the fact that I haven't lost anything this week? I can't stop mulling over everything I put in my mouth, and whether or not I worked out enough. I'm trying to decide if I'm making the right choices, and how I'm going to go forward.

The worst part about a stall this early in my game, so to speak, is that all of my attempts to lose weight in the past have gotten me to this 5 lb spot, and then nothing! I'm so scared that's where I'm at again. My body has decided it likes to be fat, and won't do anything more. This is why I chose such a drastic program. I'm trying to reboot, and tell my body what the new norm is. Gahhhh, of course it's going to fight me on it. So, where does this leave me?? I have to make a choice... to let this be the end, or to "shake it off" and get my butt up and work out. I will beat these 5 lbs! I will beat my body! (not literally of course) Thanks to the support of my Best Friend and my Hubby, I will push through!

I plan on sharing my journey, as I always have, and hopefully inspiring someone going through a similar process. If this big 'ol lardy booty can do it, then so can you! Sharing in this type of way is probably the scariest part of all. No one wants to admit publically what they've done to their own body. It's shame and guilt inducing pain. Allowing myself to be publicly scrutinized doesn't sound like much fun, but it holds me accountable for what I want for myself. ME! I want this, and only I can do this! Now onto the hardest part of this whole thing......

My starting weight was 260 pounds!

Love to all,

Queen B

The Big Move

We moved! Our lease was up and it was time! Moves are hectic and stressful and definitely an easy time to argue and fight. If I'm being honest it's been a trigger for Chris and I many times... Many many times! We do move a lot! However, this has been the easiest move ever for us! We were so blessed when our landlord let us move a week earlier than planned and Chris and I (with help from some beloved friends) were able to move the whole house and clean the old one before our original move date! Like I said easy!

Anywho, I could go on and on about how much we all love the new house and all its ammenities, but I won't! I will simply say it's the little things that really light my wick these days! Such as being able to turn my kitchen faucet all the way, not hearing a hum every time we use the water, water pressure, being able to open the freezer door, and (my absolute favorite) being able to turn a full 360* in my shower! These are some of the wonderful things our new home has to offer. Everyone seems to be transitioning well! 

Plus, Chris was home and able to help move! BONUS! Moving is also expensive! Deposits left and right! I'm happy to tell you all that despite a year of troubles and frustration... We will be getting our old deposit back! I thought hell would freeze first! But plenty of prayers and the lady seemed to be a new person at the walk through! Thank Jesus! 

We are probably 85% unpacked! I'm very happy how things are coming along. De-cluttering and simplifying is my new home motto! The plan is to spend a few years here...hopefully we can break our record of 3 years... Back to Alaska... The longest we've ever lived somewhere so far in our career! 

Hope all is well for all reading this! I'm excited I got a few minutes and a head full of thoughts! 

Queen B 

Some not so helpful helpers!

Jais and Riley in our new back yard!

Thirty is the NEW Twenty!

Saying goodbye to an era.... I guess you could say is bittersweet. I had some really great things happen, such as my daughter Jaisalyn and getting to explore the US with my amaze balls hubby. I also had some really horrible things happen like 4 miscarriages, the loss of Ilee, and a failed adoption. I lost relationships, but gained relationships. We moved, moved, and moved again. Looking towards 30 has been scary. I NEVER wanted to get there. Something about being in my 20's will forever make you feel young. Then you meet new people and they are early 20's, and you begin to see no matter what that big 3-0 is coming.

Celebrating 3-0... I'm extremely blessed to have such an amazing husband. He really went above and beyond to give me the best LAST week of my 20's. Along with that, I have met the greatest friend, who really helped us celebrate the week properly. I'm so thankful we have met her and her little family. A week of events, shots, and non-stop laughs brought us to the bid D-day! Saturday the 17th, I turned the elusive 3-0! Nothing happened! I didn't shrivel up and die, my hips didn't give out, and my boobs weren't looking any further South then normal. However, I spent a great day celebrating with some great people! Thank you if you are reading this for helping me get through what I thought was going to be a hard day!

Birthdays! I guess the big ones... 21, 25, 30, 40, 50... etc... make us reflect on what we have accomplished in life, and in that; what we think we should have accomplished by then. What did I think I would have by 30... KIDS! 5-7 at least!!!! Well theoretically I had that and more through foster care, but I've always wanted to have a child of my own. One that is half Chris and half me (scary I know)! It's funny how things work out; Chris and I try to reason, understand, and come to terms with the fact that there will be NO Crashlies walking the earth... Your welcome!! God has blessed us in 2 beautiful ways: Illee and Jaisalyn. He has also given us a purpose for our future, and we believe that is to help the world's orphans... well at least the ones in NC!

So, there we have it.... am I disappointed I'm 30 now... No! Strangely, I'm great! I'm looking forward to the 30's all they have to offer. I'm glad to say my 20's are in the rear view, and I will not be thinking about them again!

Good riddance! 30 is the new 20!!
Queen B

The two-headed monster

Aka Toddlers!!!!! They are so needy, whiney, and angry! One day she's content and happy and can do everything herself, and the next she can't do anything! Everything is NOOOO, and MINE! How do we parents handle these terrible years???

Into everything!!!! Honestly, turn your head for 2 seconds and they are like superhero fast... what gives? I couldn't be that fast if you paid me! If there's a button consider it pushed, I'm not talking figuratively.... LITERALLY.... I go to switch the laundry and discover that some little finger has pushed all the buttons, and the washer did not rinse and spin!!! The dishwasher is also another prime target, it's always running for no reason at all. Just yesterday I set up the crockpot with some chicken and went to check on it 45 minutes later to discover it had MAGICALLY been turned off!!!!

Seriously, if I had one pinky nail of all that sneakiness, mischievousness, and pure speed... I could rule the world... seriously!!!!

The best part, in my humble opinion, is when Jai looks right at me while she's doing something she's not supposed to. I catch her 80% of the time just because I feel her beady eyes staring me down... wondering if she's going to get caught. Daring to see which end of the beehive she's poked; then just like that a halo appears and she has the sweetest little smile. "Hi mommy" Are you kidding me? I could rob banks with that skill!!!!!

Don't get me wrong this stage has its benefits, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING she says is soooo cute...(minus the before mentioned no and mine) She's learning and doing things so fast, and its mind blowing how smart she is sometimes. She is sweet as pie, Chris has taught her how to say "Mommy's pretty!" awe!!! I know he's a peach!! She's my best friend, and I'm lucky enough to spend everyday ALL day with her, and her shenanigans!!!

Before I leave you for the day I will leave you with one last wonderful story... Never, I mean NEVER leave them unsupervised with the potty. We usually have the bathroom door shut, but somehow this day it was not. We are busily rushing around trying to get out of the house to head to the children's museum 2 hours away, and Jai with all her glory is ready to go! Every I step the floor is wet... "Chris why is the floor wet?" He had no idea... huh? ok? let's go! Chris grabs Jai only to discover that she is in fact soaking wet as well as her brand new Elsa doll. She needed a bath (in the potty) before we could leave!!!! Yummy! Lesson learned... bathroom door stays shut!


Hope you all have a blessed day,
Queen B

Arrrggg

Jais and her bestie Millie

Daddy and Jais milking cows

Turmoil

Sometimes things don't work out how you think..... DUH! Why is it so hard to let go? 

I love with all my heart. I've been burned so many times by people who were closest too me. I think it's natural to mourn those relationships! I still struggle with relationships from high school that didn't work out. It's stupid... I know. I'm stubborn, sensitive, and I don't forget! Some of my aweful flaws! 

Lately, I've been struggling with the loss of my friend Devlin. She was there with me through some of the hardest times of my life. Devlin  and I were inseparable. I thought we would be together forever. I loved her as my family, and honestly still do. Have you ever had that person in your life who you thought would just always be there?

It's hard to say exactly what happened or where we went wrong. I know my side only, and that is that I felt completely shut out of her life. We had numerous conversations about how weird it had gotten, and why we weren't so close anymore. They all ended with lets start over, and everything will be fine. I got tired of feeling alone in our relationship.... I wanted to be there so badly; only to be shut out time and time again. Why after everything we'd been through did things have to change? Did I outgrow her? Did she outgrow me? Were we never really meant to be? Was it always destined to end this way? How do you move on without answers?

I was foolish to think things would get better, and in my heart I think I knew it was over a long time ago. Just live and learn, and try to let go. Moving on is easier said than done, and I will forever mourn that relationship. We all deserve to be happy, and sometimes that means letting go. I have great friends and family that love us, and adore Jaisalyn. I know without a doubt they will always be there for her, and that's at the end of the day what counts.  

I hope Devlin is happy and has a wonderful life. She deserves nothing but the best.

Chocolate covered kisses 💋💋💋💋

Nine years of fertility treatments, a dozen foster kids, a failed adoption, and the loss of a child definitely had us broken. We had just PCS'ed to Ft Jackson, SC where Chris was going to be a Drill Sergeant. Before we even got there I had been in contact with a Private Adoption Agency; had submitted our application and had a date for our first home study. Things were slow at first, I went back to school at Regency Beauty Institute, and worked part time at Ulta; while Chris stayed busy working 100+ hour work weeks. After our second home study, we learned about our miracle baby!!!

Our agency, as well as many others, branch out and work with agencies all over the US. They had a lawyer in Charleston, SC that had a pregnant mother she was having difficulty placing. She asked for other's portfolio's if anyone was interested. Mind you, we had been working on a portfolio for months!!!! It told our entire story, and was very pretty! This lawyer wanted 2 pages MAX, and that was supposed to be enough to convince this woman we were the family for her little one! I got the email in the middle of school, and immediately headed home to work on this tiny portfolio. We got it done, and I was able to overnight it to Charleston that day. The next day, while driving back from school, the lawyer called to tell me the Biological mom had picked US!!!!!

I was ecstatic, scared, overwhelmed, and any other crazy thing you would think someone would be feeling in that moment!! I immediately called Chris and told him the fantastic news. We were hesitant to tell our family until we had more info. Jaisalyn's mom wanted to meet us, and since she was 7 months pregnant it was pretty urgent! We were able to drive up and meet her for dinner, where we spent hours talking and crying with her. I brought her the portfolio I had been working on for her to keep. She was so sincere in wanting the best for her baby. The meeting went well, and other than waiting for Jais to be born, we had another tiny problem..... $$$$$$$$

I don't want money to take over this because what God did for us in this situation was truly a miracle. We had 2 months to raise the money to cover all the lawyer, court, guardian ad litem, hospital, and Biological mother fees. We were looking at upwards of $20,000. Hard to swallow at first, but already it was a blessing.... the agency we were working with before required a $10,000 agency fee; we no longer had to pay that going through the lawyer. Looking at that number in the face was scary, but we had the best lawyer in the world, and I believe God put her there to help us.

We hit the ground running, I quit school and went to work full time, and we were running fund raisers like crazy. We started a website, sold magnets, bracelets, baked goods, tshirts, and our church even did a car wash! Each time the lawyer asked us for money, we miraculously had it to give!!! We applied for every grant out there, but with the timing of our adoption, we were not eligible for any! Our family majorly stepped up and were sending us donations. It was seriously a miracle. We obviously did it, and to this day I could not tell you where every last dollar came from..... but I'm so very grateful!

Jaisalyn was born via C-section a week early on October 12th, 2012 at 8:15am. She was so beautiful and we were lucky to be there for all of her first moments. Her Biological Grandmother was there and so kind to us. She held Jais and prayed over her, as well as us! Jaisalyn was really sick in the beginning, and we weren't able to touch her with our skin for the first whole week of her life. When we finally did though, it was amazing. We "kangarooed" her lol! (It's when you lay her naked skin on your bare chest, so you can each feel each other's heart beats.)

We had to wait 2 days for her Biological mom to sign the paper work, since she had a C-section. The case worker came to get us to tell us whether or not she had signed, and we were a mess with nerves. We left to go call our family and deliver the news, meanwhile all the NICU nurses were freaking out since they saw me crying, and then we didn't come back!!! When we got back we had a huge celebration, and these nurses we had just met 2 days prior were crying with us. They were so happy for us. That was the most joyous occasion, and I'm so glad we spent it with those nurses!

Our little Chocolate Chip is still keeping it interesting!!! She is the light of our lives, and I honestly believe that Ilee picked her for us in Heaven. Jaisalyn saved our lives, and I pray we can instill in her how important she is and will always be!!!

That's all I got for now!

6 months

1 year

Fostering.... Not so Peachy

So we moved to Hinesville, GA in Sept 2009. We bought our house online while still in AK, and then drove to GA when it was time. We knew before we got there that we would be fostering, and would be doing so in the hopes to grow our family. Private adoption is very expensive, and there's a lot of waiting involved. Fostering, however, was free, and they needed people so we would be used and abused before we even knew what happened.

Before I dive into our story, I need everyone to know that this is my story, and my experience. I can only attest to my truths! Also, I've changed or abbreviated names for the safety and security of the children I cared for!

 Now that's out of the way, we were ecstatic to get our license. We contacted the DFACS (Department of Family and Children Services) before we even made it to GA, and set up our first orientation. From there we had to do 30 hours of training, back ground checks, finger printing, drug testing, and several home studies! The paperwork... well let's just say there was A LOT of it!!! A few months of getting all our ducks in a row, and then just waiting! Meanwhile, Chris was due to leave on his 3rd deployment, this time to Afghanistan. We concentrated on us while we were waiting to hear back from the state; did some traveling, family visited, and we had a failed pregnancy before Chris left in April 2010.

In June, I received my first phone call from the state asking if I could come get 3 children! THREE CHILDREN!!!!???? I kindly told the lady that I still hadn't even heard if we were licensed yet! "Oh," she said, "Congrats, now can you come get them?" I guess I failed to mention that it was evening time, so I said sure I will be there as soon as I can. I composed myself best I could and called my long time friend Melissa, who just so happened to live right up the street! (Your welcome Mel!) She was also confused since we hadn't heard whether we had been approved or not, but immediately came over to help me get ready! She handled the bedding, while I went to pick up E 6 years old, A 4 years old, and Ilee who was 6 weeks old. (You will hear a lot about Ilee) They were the most beautiful children I had ever seen. I was sooo nervous since this was my first placement, but somehow we all made it through. I had a lot of help from friends and our church at the time. I definitely couldn't have done it otherwise. People would just show up and drop off clothes, toys, and books! It was fantastic to have so much support. E, A, and Ilee were a lot of fun. We did so much together, but E and A had to go back to their bio family; which left Ilee and me to ourselves. It was just Ilee and me for a month or 2 when I got a call to take 2 more children. This time was K 4 and J 1. They stayed with me a short time. K was my first ethnic hair experience, and I was once again grateful for good friends who could help me out!

After, they left it was once again Ilee and me. She was the sweetest baby, and bonding with her was so easy. I loved her more than anything, and prayed for her safety in life. I wanted her to grow up to be strong, independent and loving regardless of where she went in life. She taught me how to be a mother, and I will forever be grateful for our time together.

A & A entered here for a very brief amount of time. They were sweet and energetic, but shortly went back to their family. I also did some respite care and got B 6 and D 2. They were a handful, and I had them for 2 weeks, while their foster family had to leave the state. Like E and A, they had been through a lot, which made caring for their needs a bit harder. The last kids I got before we stopped taking in kids were J 3 and N 2 months. They were presented to me as adoptable, and I eagerly took them in! I got ahold of Chris in Afghanistan to tell him the happy news, and we were in bliss for a whole 2 days, before we found out that there was a mistake, and they would be returning to their bio family. After them we decided to take a break.

There's a lot of details in Ilee's story, and I don't really want to put it all out there right now. For the time being, know that she is safe in heaven looking down on all of us!

Peace and love,
Queen B

Pee Pee in the dipey!!

I am sooooo over potty training! Chris is over it... Jaisalyn is over it... These crazy B's are over it!!!!!! It's so hard to understand what goes on in a little 2 year olds head! She knows what to do, and does it 75% of the time, but only if you initiate it. So the girl can't say Mom I have to pee, or etc... It's too the point where this girl is going to be 18 and still in pampers!

Ok, ok, so I'm exaggerating ALOT!! She knows enough now to tell us after she went... some may say progress. This girl here says FRUSTRATING!! But nevertheless, we will get there eventually. Hopefully before we get more little ones. At least that's my plan anyways. HA! Pray for us!

Was potty training the bane of anyone else's existence? I know we can't be alone. Having a toddler is rough. You have to be on them like glue! Jaisalyn's thing is buttons! If she see a button she push a button. It doesn't matter how many times you tell her no... today, yesterday, or everyday before.... this girl is gonna push that button. Do you know what she does after??? While you are sitting there watching??? You just told her NO for the umpteenth time..... she turns around with those pearly whites, those big ol' eyes and smiles!!! Really?!?!? Gahhhh! I need to make a recording and start playing it. I'm soooo tired of saying Jaisalyn "No mam" all day long!

While there is all the frustrations of a toddler; I feel like we can't leave it on that note... NAP TIME!!! My toddler still loves and needs her nap. The girl can sleep! I am so very thankful for nap time each and every day! I seriously look forward to it. You probably know just what it's like.... always wished for a little helper, and now they won't keep their little hands out of anything. Those 2 hours of pure bliss where I can take out the laundry and push the buttons and be done in 1 minute. Where I can fold all the clothes 1 time, and be done with out little hands folding too! It's cute the first few times, but then girl... it needs to get done! Come on!!

They are also in this everything is fascinating phase, and constantly learning. I love that. Chris loooooves that! He gets so excited... Babe she did this.... like I don't spend all day with her.... yep! Their cute!! Chris has taught Jaisalyn how to say "Merica! Everyone likes to ask, " Awwwww, where is she from?" and Chris in all his glory beams with pride when Jaisalyn yells 'Merica... seriously with authority!

Well I've done gone off in left field rambling.... More for later I guess!

Queen B

How Those Crazy B's came to be...

We grew up in the same teensy, weensy town that our parents and of course Grandparents grew up in too. We didn't run in the same circles, not that Reardan has many... hehe.... but we had mutual friends, and I of course dated Chris' step brother for awhile, ( we don't like to talk much about that)  and Chris dated several of my friends, including my best friend at the time. (It's a small town thing lol) Somehow, we ended up getting together in the Summer of 2001; the year Chris graduated. (yep he's old lol) My mom meddled since she knew we liked each other, and tried to get us together. My father wasn't a huge fan since Chris was older, and had just graduated from HS. BUT, we hung out and went out a few times, and things developed quickly for us.
On our first date Chris asked me to go to the lake with him and his family. I said sure and they came and picked me up. Chris' mom and boyfriend were in the front, and we were squished in the back with Chris' friend and new puppy. Puppy of course had not ridden in a car and threw up all over my feet. Overall, it was a good day until Chris' friend threw a dead fish in my lap, and later the boyfriend was pulled over for driving like an idiot. BUT all in all not terrible haha! We had our first ever kiss that day when Chris brought me home, it was TERRIBLE!!!! Seriously, worst kiss ever!!! Chris asked me to go to a movie with him and a friend, and I accepted. They came and picked me up, and I happily sat in the back seat, listening to some GOD awful song about "jar jelly". The movie was great, but on the way home I sat in front; which was a wonderful position to feel the Bassett Hound go underneath me when Chris ran over it. He pulled over to see if it was ok, but it was too late he was gone! I know  what you are all thinking.... why the heck didn't I run for the hills..... I can't answer that for you! However, I can say I'm forever grateful I didn't run! It only got better from there, and before we knew it we were inseparable. We had soo many fights and arguments, and then 2 seconds later we would be laughing and kissing. It was sweet and romantic, yet crazy and wild all at the same time. Wow!!! This was like forever ago... really feeling old writing this!!!

Chris had plans to go straight into the Army, and was supposed to leave for boot camp that Fall. However, he got Mono, and his ship date got pushed back a year. Which gave our new romance more time to be together, or not! We fought, broke up, and got back together monthly, weekly sometimes! I couldn't tell you why, maybe just because we were young or had nothing better to do! Anyhow, a year and a half after we started dating; it was finally time for Chris to leave for boot camp! He left in October for Training in 2002 for Ft Leonardwood, MO to become a Combat Engineer.
We wrote letters daily, the mail was slow back then. (we still have every single letter that each of us ever wrote) When it was time for Chris to graduate, I flew down to MO with my Grandma, and Chris' sister Holly. It was so awesome to be there for such a big part of his life. He was bald and had big ol' ugly glasses.... some are familiar: BCG's.... but he was mine, and I had missed him like crazy. We made it back to WA, just in time to find out that Chris had already been activated for 4 months, and would be going to Iraq; even though he was just in the Guard. The news was devastating since he was only home a whopping 4 days. We decided quickly that we would get married before Chris left, and have a big wedding when he came home from deployment. (little did we know that would never happen haha)

We ended up getting married Mon March 10, 2003 at 7pm. My parents, my best friend, and us went to a Hitching Post in Idaho so it would be legal, and then had a small ceremony at our church that evening. People were less than thrilled; they said we were too young and would never make it. HA we say HA! My parents got us a hotel next to the airport, and we went right there after our ceremony. We were honestly pooped, and didn't do much that night but sleep and snuggle. The next day I took Chris to the airport for what would be our first year long deployment! I missed school that day to get married!

If you made it through, and want to see more, I can't wait to give it to you....

Ashlie

2015... I'm going to do it all!!!

Every year like others, I make a mile long list of all the many ideas and goals to help better myself and our family. This year is no different in that I have at least 30 goals for the big 'ol 15!!! One of which is this blog. Everyone who knows us knows we have a crazy little life!!! UNDERSTATEMENT.... the first of many  probably! Any who, I've decided going forward I'm going to start documenting this hectic life of ours; in the hopes to help someone else! (Hopefully)

If you are new to The Crazy B's let me introduce us: I'm Ashlie, I will be 30 on the 17th! Gahh we could start there, and I could tell you that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever be 30, but I'm going to spare y'all the boo hoos and move on to my Lover Chris. He is my best friend and my hero! He's been through a lot of heavy stuff with me, and through it all he sticks around (still can't figure it out!) He's 32 and in the Army. We are stationed at Ft. Bragg, and will be here for a few years. Two years ago in October, we grew our family when we adopted our little hellion.... PRINCESS!!!! She's the perfect little addition to our crazy group. Her name is Jaisalyn and she keeps us on our toes daily! I will definitely dive more into details on how we got here, but for day 1, I think we are off to a good start.

Back to goals, One of my goals is to better me, Ashlie! I want to loose weight... who doesn't? My goal for this year is to lose 2 lbs a week at 52 weeks a year for a total of 104 lbs! It may seem like a lot, but I will still not be down to my goal weight even at that point. I have gained over 160 lbs in the 9 years we did fertility treatments. (Again more for another day) Our treatments were unsuccessful and it left me with this LARGE sense of FAILURE, and a body I hate and don't recognize. I did this to myself, and had no baby to show for it. It's not about all that though, I want to be happy more than anything! I want to be a good role model for our daughter, and I always want her to ask me to go out and do something crazy with her knowing that I will be game.... Nothing holding me down!!! So, here I sit day 1 of my workout completed, and although I finished... I found myself in a heap on our bedroom floor bawling my eyes out. My husband fresh out of the shower and in his under roos found me and tried to console me. In that moment, my pity party, I decided I'm going to talk about this!!!! Hence, a blog is born!!!!!!!!!!

If I didn't bore y'all too much, I hope you will come back for more!

Love to all,
Ashlie, Queen of  The Crazy B's