Long Live the Queen

Every time I sit down to do this, I start with it's been awhile, and well it has! Things in our lives are continually changing, and I'm not alone in that. Since, I've posted we've made some major lifestyle changes! After 4 months with our last sweet foster baby, we've decided to take a break from fostering! It's funny, because we went to Washington to visit family for a month with the baby, and they now have a new appreciation for what we do! They understand fully how hard it is to love a baby, and give it back not knowing the fate of what will come. Even with this new support system, we decide the best thing for our daughter is to take a break. She's 3 and doesn't understand where the new baby has gone. She continuously asks for him, and it's heartbreaking to say the least! This, however doesn't take away our desires to have a big family, but we will take a break for now and revisit later.

Meanwhile, I've decided to make a huge change in myself, and FINALLY lose the weight I've been holding onto since we've started this baby making journey 11 years ago! WOW I'm old! I've gained 130 lbs through fertility treatments, depression, and just complacency! I started a new 1,200 calorie diet with the biggest loser, and am working out 6 x a week! I drink a gallon of water a day, and am doing pretty good considering! I'm not hungry, and I'm eating good foods. I have joined several 5ks, and am sooo excited about them. (If you would like to follow along with my diet, or working out look me up on my fitness pal. )

Starting this diet is a huge change for myself and my family. I thought some of the harder things would be feeding them as well as me, but to my surprise they are loving my healthy food. Jaisalyn wants to eat everything I am, and usually does 2-3 helpings of her veggies!! Proud parents here lol! Working out has also been challenging considering the change in calorie intake, but I'm still managing that well too. I'm 1 week in and surprised at how well I'm doing! I've already lost 5.6 lbs! Gone forever! I'm also down 6 inches! I was chugging away doing wonderful, and then something unforeseen happened, and Aunt Flow paid a visit. Ding dang it! Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. It's a game changer for sure, but I've maintained my diet and exercise and stayed the course. However, my weight loss has suffered! How do I mentally get over the fact that I haven't lost anything this week? I can't stop mulling over everything I put in my mouth, and whether or not I worked out enough. I'm trying to decide if I'm making the right choices, and how I'm going to go forward.

The worst part about a stall this early in my game, so to speak, is that all of my attempts to lose weight in the past have gotten me to this 5 lb spot, and then nothing! I'm so scared that's where I'm at again. My body has decided it likes to be fat, and won't do anything more. This is why I chose such a drastic program. I'm trying to reboot, and tell my body what the new norm is. Gahhhh, of course it's going to fight me on it. So, where does this leave me?? I have to make a choice... to let this be the end, or to "shake it off" and get my butt up and work out. I will beat these 5 lbs! I will beat my body! (not literally of course) Thanks to the support of my Best Friend and my Hubby, I will push through!

I plan on sharing my journey, as I always have, and hopefully inspiring someone going through a similar process. If this big 'ol lardy booty can do it, then so can you! Sharing in this type of way is probably the scariest part of all. No one wants to admit publically what they've done to their own body. It's shame and guilt inducing pain. Allowing myself to be publicly scrutinized doesn't sound like much fun, but it holds me accountable for what I want for myself. ME! I want this, and only I can do this! Now onto the hardest part of this whole thing......

My starting weight was 260 pounds!

Love to all,

Queen B