Turmoil

Sometimes things don't work out how you think..... DUH! Why is it so hard to let go? 

I love with all my heart. I've been burned so many times by people who were closest too me. I think it's natural to mourn those relationships! I still struggle with relationships from high school that didn't work out. It's stupid... I know. I'm stubborn, sensitive, and I don't forget! Some of my aweful flaws! 

Lately, I've been struggling with the loss of my friend Devlin. She was there with me through some of the hardest times of my life. Devlin  and I were inseparable. I thought we would be together forever. I loved her as my family, and honestly still do. Have you ever had that person in your life who you thought would just always be there?

It's hard to say exactly what happened or where we went wrong. I know my side only, and that is that I felt completely shut out of her life. We had numerous conversations about how weird it had gotten, and why we weren't so close anymore. They all ended with lets start over, and everything will be fine. I got tired of feeling alone in our relationship.... I wanted to be there so badly; only to be shut out time and time again. Why after everything we'd been through did things have to change? Did I outgrow her? Did she outgrow me? Were we never really meant to be? Was it always destined to end this way? How do you move on without answers?

I was foolish to think things would get better, and in my heart I think I knew it was over a long time ago. Just live and learn, and try to let go. Moving on is easier said than done, and I will forever mourn that relationship. We all deserve to be happy, and sometimes that means letting go. I have great friends and family that love us, and adore Jaisalyn. I know without a doubt they will always be there for her, and that's at the end of the day what counts.  

I hope Devlin is happy and has a wonderful life. She deserves nothing but the best.