A Sick Twist of Fate

When I was younger I did a lot with my grandparents. They lived 8 short blocks from us, and spent nights, weekends, summers, and any time they possibly could with us. I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything, but I was my Grandpa's favorite. As the oldest of his grandchildren, and the only girl... I was his princess, or as he called me his Theedee Bug. It's strange I know.... My mom was known as Bug when she was younger and I was knighted early on as well.

My Grandpa was the most amazing person I've ever known, and today 13+ years later my breath still catches when I think of him. There's an entire town who could back me up when I say that he was a true hero. He was known by many because of his kind heart. He would do anything for anyone. He never drank or even smoked a cigarette in his life. Which makes  his sickness even more heartbreaking! If there ever was a Saint amongst men Rodney James Eastman was him. He didn't even curse! We weren't allowed to say "fart" around him he was that serious! Although, my brother Jeff earned the title Methane from a very young age.... fart was out of the question.

What I remember about my Grandpa most was how he was always there. He had an excavation business as well as cattle he raised for beef. Two successful businesses he started all on his own, and he still came to every volleyball, basketball, softball, and cheerleading game I had. He was always taking us to Lake Roosevelt or Pend 'Oreille to go out on the boat. He was always there making memories with us. I remember bottle feeding calves, picking up strings, and riding in the backhoe. I could go on and on about how he impacted my life, but I think you get the picture.

My Grandma is a nurse. She is also known to a whole town, and many more as a hero. She's helped many people get better. She also helped my Grandpa when he was sick. When I was 17 years old, I participated in a pageant to represent our home town. Although, they had just gotten horrible news, they waited to tell us until after my big night. The next day, however, we learned that my Grandfather had pancreatic, lung, and liver cancer. It was advanced and he didn't have long. He didn't! 3 months to that day my Grandfather passed away at home thanks to my Grandma, mom, and Hospice. This changed me in a way spiritually I'm sure some of you can understand. To say I was angry was an understatement. I still do not understand.

Fast forward 13+ years, and I'm sitting in a Starbucks happy as a clam, because I am kid free! Woohoo! My mom calls me to burst my happy bubble, and tell my that my Grandma is sick, and she has pancreatic cancer. I can honestly tell you that in that moment, my Grandpa flashed through my mind; with the memories of how short his time was, and how sick he got before the end. I was scared, I still am!

Chris was gone, and it was Jaisalyn's 3rd birthday, I had been planning for months. Chris made it by the hair on his chinny chin chin, and we celebrated. As soon as that was over however, I was on a plane with Jaisalyn and our current foster baby to Washington to be with my family.

I wish I could tell you why I sat down to get this off my chest, but I'm not entirely sure. My emotions have been all over the place since we had to come back to NC for the baby. I'm still terrified something is going to go wrong. She needs all the help and prayers she can get, and unfortunately I can only offer prayers way over here. She's a fighter, she will get through this, as will I, and our entire family. We are a family bred from True Heroes
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The Big Move

We moved! Our lease was up and it was time! Moves are hectic and stressful and definitely an easy time to argue and fight. If I'm being honest it's been a trigger for Chris and I many times... Many many times! We do move a lot! However, this has been the easiest move ever for us! We were so blessed when our landlord let us move a week earlier than planned and Chris and I (with help from some beloved friends) were able to move the whole house and clean the old one before our original move date! Like I said easy!

Anywho, I could go on and on about how much we all love the new house and all its ammenities, but I won't! I will simply say it's the little things that really light my wick these days! Such as being able to turn my kitchen faucet all the way, not hearing a hum every time we use the water, water pressure, being able to open the freezer door, and (my absolute favorite) being able to turn a full 360* in my shower! These are some of the wonderful things our new home has to offer. Everyone seems to be transitioning well! 

Plus, Chris was home and able to help move! BONUS! Moving is also expensive! Deposits left and right! I'm happy to tell you all that despite a year of troubles and frustration... We will be getting our old deposit back! I thought hell would freeze first! But plenty of prayers and the lady seemed to be a new person at the walk through! Thank Jesus! 

We are probably 85% unpacked! I'm very happy how things are coming along. De-cluttering and simplifying is my new home motto! The plan is to spend a few years here...hopefully we can break our record of 3 years... Back to Alaska... The longest we've ever lived somewhere so far in our career! 

Hope all is well for all reading this! I'm excited I got a few minutes and a head full of thoughts! 

Queen B 

Some not so helpful helpers!

Jais and Riley in our new back yard!

It's Been a Minute!

Oh boy, where to begin?

It's true my life has been turned upside down in the last couple months. It's hard to keep you updated with Chris' job, and confidentiality with foster care. Now that a few things have changed, I'm going to do the best I can to fill you in on all things Crazy B!

We recently had 2 children come stay with us. They were great in the beginning. We've always set out to take in all God sends us, and to not ask any questions. We learned a valuable lesson with these girls... What we can and can't handle! Times have changed since we last did foster care, and now we have Jaisalyn to think about. She is and will always be the most important part of the equation. Chris has been away with work, and it left me to take care of 3 small children alone. We had some good times, but the bad began to overrun the good, and it got increasingly difficult to give the adequate time and attention all 3 needed. The girls have moved on, and we are deciding together how we want to move on with care.

Chris has come and gone, gone and come! He loves his new job, and it keeps him super busy. We have already been in NC for a whole year. We miss our family, and our working out our long term plans for retiring closer to home. Everyday it changes though. We dream of traveling overseas to Germany or Italy, and one day settling down closer to home... ie the other side of the US!


There's not really a lot going on with us; we're just try to embrace every minute we get together. That's the important part these days. We are going on a family vacay this weekend, and couldn't be more excited... it's the first in a longgggg time! I'm also planning on making a trip to SC to see some good friends who are about to PCS. As always we are in the works for a trip to WA, we'll see how that goes!

Sorry it's not very entertaining, or exciting for that matter... just a small update! Hopefully, I can be back to my witty self soon, and be able to discuss more details.... safety first y'all!!! <3

Love always,

Queen B

Jais and Daddy opening Daddy's presents!

and of course trying them on!!!

A Renewed Faith

It's been like forever and a day since I last did this! For those who avidly follow me, I apologize, for those who don't you didn't miss anything! I've been busy renewing my faith. I've recently participated in The Daniel Fast with some of the ladies from our church. For those not familiar..... it's really hard!!!! Like super hard! I didn't even do the hard core version, but I cut out all caffeine, junk food, sugars, deserts, soda, and anything else unnecessary for survival. It was a 3 week fast, that ended with a fantastic trip to Fort Caswell; for a ladies retreat. I had so much fun, and spent 2 whole nights away from my babykins! It was hard (all of it) but so worth it.

My biggest reason for doing the fast was to get closer to God, and try and learn my purpose. As you all have gathered in just the few very honest posts I've written; I've struggled with my faith. I've definitely struggled with God, and just needed a reboot! Just so happens that the theme of the women's retreat was..... wait for it.... PURPOSE!!! Shut up! I know! God put all this in my path at these very moments! Amaze balls! Anywho, all along the way, God was acknowledging my hard work, and I felt like the fast was working! It was literally like everything backed up this decision. The pastor talked at every service about the book of Daniel, and my daily bible study went hand and hand! Seriously, how does that happen??

I'm so much happier, I've gone off all my meds... sleeping, depression, and anxiety; and I feel better than ever! Chris came home from a work trip the last 2 weeks and joined me in what I was doing in the fast. I feel it in my everyday life. I feel it in our family, in our relationships, and how we treat each other. It's been wonderful.

Life is hard, it's always changing. The one thing that stays the same is God. He is always there! We are the only ones that move! Crazy crazy that there is someone who loves us that much, no matter what we do. Even if we don't deserve it!!!!!!

So, I'm done with the fast, and ohhhhh boy did my body punish me. I was sooo excited to catch up on all the chocolate I had missed out on from Valentine's day! I learned a lot about my body and eating habits, and how I'm too old to handle all the fast food anymore. Gahhh I hate saying that out loud.

What I hope to gain from this, even if you are not a believer; is that you know there's always an upward path. You are not alone in your travesties. Someone out there somewhere has gone through what you are. Reach out, get help. You never know who you could help in the process!

Back at it,
Queen B

Thirty is the NEW Twenty!

Saying goodbye to an era.... I guess you could say is bittersweet. I had some really great things happen, such as my daughter Jaisalyn and getting to explore the US with my amaze balls hubby. I also had some really horrible things happen like 4 miscarriages, the loss of Ilee, and a failed adoption. I lost relationships, but gained relationships. We moved, moved, and moved again. Looking towards 30 has been scary. I NEVER wanted to get there. Something about being in my 20's will forever make you feel young. Then you meet new people and they are early 20's, and you begin to see no matter what that big 3-0 is coming.

Celebrating 3-0... I'm extremely blessed to have such an amazing husband. He really went above and beyond to give me the best LAST week of my 20's. Along with that, I have met the greatest friend, who really helped us celebrate the week properly. I'm so thankful we have met her and her little family. A week of events, shots, and non-stop laughs brought us to the bid D-day! Saturday the 17th, I turned the elusive 3-0! Nothing happened! I didn't shrivel up and die, my hips didn't give out, and my boobs weren't looking any further South then normal. However, I spent a great day celebrating with some great people! Thank you if you are reading this for helping me get through what I thought was going to be a hard day!

Birthdays! I guess the big ones... 21, 25, 30, 40, 50... etc... make us reflect on what we have accomplished in life, and in that; what we think we should have accomplished by then. What did I think I would have by 30... KIDS! 5-7 at least!!!! Well theoretically I had that and more through foster care, but I've always wanted to have a child of my own. One that is half Chris and half me (scary I know)! It's funny how things work out; Chris and I try to reason, understand, and come to terms with the fact that there will be NO Crashlies walking the earth... Your welcome!! God has blessed us in 2 beautiful ways: Illee and Jaisalyn. He has also given us a purpose for our future, and we believe that is to help the world's orphans... well at least the ones in NC!

So, there we have it.... am I disappointed I'm 30 now... No! Strangely, I'm great! I'm looking forward to the 30's all they have to offer. I'm glad to say my 20's are in the rear view, and I will not be thinking about them again!

Good riddance! 30 is the new 20!!
Queen B

Stretching Faith

Chris and I just started a bible study yesterday, and I already feel blown away by my realizations! It's crazy how much we allow something to weigh on us for days, weeks, years even! I feel like in the last 2 days I've lifted an elephant off of my chest! Ok that sounded stupid, but you get what I'm trying to say.... I seriously feel lighter, happier even. When I put me and my feelings aside and just take in what I need to; what God needs me too.... I feel clarity. 

It's refreshing to finally have some insight to the things that have happened to us. The questions we think we will never know the answers too. All the hurt and hate I have harbored inside has lifted and I can breathe. It's not that it said the answer is...... It's that for the first time I understand! I know I have miles to go, but I'm so very happy for this great jump start! 

Healing is a process and for the first time since my daughter passed, I feel it starting! I only wish I was brave enough to do this sooner! Thank you Chris for 500% always having my back.... Whatever I want to do you are there and I love you! 

Blessed and refreshed,

Queen B 👑

Who drank the hater-ade?

I get it we all have preconceived notions when meeting someone for the first time. It takes a whole second and we as females have sized them up. We've determined how their marriage works, how they take care of their children, if their a good home keeper, and if they have any personality at all! We are all different and your sizing up is probably different from your neighbors, but you get the gist. 

My question is why?? Why do we have so much hate and animosity towards each other as females? Why are we threatened by others' relationships, friendships, and marriages? Why do we feel entitled to have an opinion? Why do we feel a need to gossip and bad mouth on the outside; no details... Just the info you think you know! 

We are all guilty of drinking the haterade from time to time. We all can get envious or even jealous of others. As females though we are the worst! It's almost like we want to be better than all others. I myself have been envious of others, it's just part of nature. However, it's the way we handle it... In my humble opinion... That differentiates the girls from the women! 

I challenge each of you to love instead of hate! Our jobs are hard, being a mom and wife is hard! There's no right or wrong way to do it. So if you catch your self spewing garbage about your neighbor or the mom at the grocery store, do me a favor and take a look in the mirror! You are not perfect! I am not perfect! No one is perfect! Quit being a hypocrite and pretending your life is Grand and that you have any room to talk! Work on you and why you feel the need to be so negative and  bad mouth others.

Love to all, 

Queen B 

The two-headed monster

Aka Toddlers!!!!! They are so needy, whiney, and angry! One day she's content and happy and can do everything herself, and the next she can't do anything! Everything is NOOOO, and MINE! How do we parents handle these terrible years???

Into everything!!!! Honestly, turn your head for 2 seconds and they are like superhero fast... what gives? I couldn't be that fast if you paid me! If there's a button consider it pushed, I'm not talking figuratively.... LITERALLY.... I go to switch the laundry and discover that some little finger has pushed all the buttons, and the washer did not rinse and spin!!! The dishwasher is also another prime target, it's always running for no reason at all. Just yesterday I set up the crockpot with some chicken and went to check on it 45 minutes later to discover it had MAGICALLY been turned off!!!!

Seriously, if I had one pinky nail of all that sneakiness, mischievousness, and pure speed... I could rule the world... seriously!!!!

The best part, in my humble opinion, is when Jai looks right at me while she's doing something she's not supposed to. I catch her 80% of the time just because I feel her beady eyes staring me down... wondering if she's going to get caught. Daring to see which end of the beehive she's poked; then just like that a halo appears and she has the sweetest little smile. "Hi mommy" Are you kidding me? I could rob banks with that skill!!!!!

Don't get me wrong this stage has its benefits, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING she says is soooo cute...(minus the before mentioned no and mine) She's learning and doing things so fast, and its mind blowing how smart she is sometimes. She is sweet as pie, Chris has taught her how to say "Mommy's pretty!" awe!!! I know he's a peach!! She's my best friend, and I'm lucky enough to spend everyday ALL day with her, and her shenanigans!!!

Before I leave you for the day I will leave you with one last wonderful story... Never, I mean NEVER leave them unsupervised with the potty. We usually have the bathroom door shut, but somehow this day it was not. We are busily rushing around trying to get out of the house to head to the children's museum 2 hours away, and Jai with all her glory is ready to go! Every I step the floor is wet... "Chris why is the floor wet?" He had no idea... huh? ok? let's go! Chris grabs Jai only to discover that she is in fact soaking wet as well as her brand new Elsa doll. She needed a bath (in the potty) before we could leave!!!! Yummy! Lesson learned... bathroom door stays shut!


Hope you all have a blessed day,
Queen B

Arrrggg

Jais and her bestie Millie

Daddy and Jais milking cows

Turmoil

Sometimes things don't work out how you think..... DUH! Why is it so hard to let go? 

I love with all my heart. I've been burned so many times by people who were closest too me. I think it's natural to mourn those relationships! I still struggle with relationships from high school that didn't work out. It's stupid... I know. I'm stubborn, sensitive, and I don't forget! Some of my aweful flaws! 

Lately, I've been struggling with the loss of my friend Devlin. She was there with me through some of the hardest times of my life. Devlin  and I were inseparable. I thought we would be together forever. I loved her as my family, and honestly still do. Have you ever had that person in your life who you thought would just always be there?

It's hard to say exactly what happened or where we went wrong. I know my side only, and that is that I felt completely shut out of her life. We had numerous conversations about how weird it had gotten, and why we weren't so close anymore. They all ended with lets start over, and everything will be fine. I got tired of feeling alone in our relationship.... I wanted to be there so badly; only to be shut out time and time again. Why after everything we'd been through did things have to change? Did I outgrow her? Did she outgrow me? Were we never really meant to be? Was it always destined to end this way? How do you move on without answers?

I was foolish to think things would get better, and in my heart I think I knew it was over a long time ago. Just live and learn, and try to let go. Moving on is easier said than done, and I will forever mourn that relationship. We all deserve to be happy, and sometimes that means letting go. I have great friends and family that love us, and adore Jaisalyn. I know without a doubt they will always be there for her, and that's at the end of the day what counts.  

I hope Devlin is happy and has a wonderful life. She deserves nothing but the best.

Chocolate covered kisses 💋💋💋💋

Nine years of fertility treatments, a dozen foster kids, a failed adoption, and the loss of a child definitely had us broken. We had just PCS'ed to Ft Jackson, SC where Chris was going to be a Drill Sergeant. Before we even got there I had been in contact with a Private Adoption Agency; had submitted our application and had a date for our first home study. Things were slow at first, I went back to school at Regency Beauty Institute, and worked part time at Ulta; while Chris stayed busy working 100+ hour work weeks. After our second home study, we learned about our miracle baby!!!

Our agency, as well as many others, branch out and work with agencies all over the US. They had a lawyer in Charleston, SC that had a pregnant mother she was having difficulty placing. She asked for other's portfolio's if anyone was interested. Mind you, we had been working on a portfolio for months!!!! It told our entire story, and was very pretty! This lawyer wanted 2 pages MAX, and that was supposed to be enough to convince this woman we were the family for her little one! I got the email in the middle of school, and immediately headed home to work on this tiny portfolio. We got it done, and I was able to overnight it to Charleston that day. The next day, while driving back from school, the lawyer called to tell me the Biological mom had picked US!!!!!

I was ecstatic, scared, overwhelmed, and any other crazy thing you would think someone would be feeling in that moment!! I immediately called Chris and told him the fantastic news. We were hesitant to tell our family until we had more info. Jaisalyn's mom wanted to meet us, and since she was 7 months pregnant it was pretty urgent! We were able to drive up and meet her for dinner, where we spent hours talking and crying with her. I brought her the portfolio I had been working on for her to keep. She was so sincere in wanting the best for her baby. The meeting went well, and other than waiting for Jais to be born, we had another tiny problem..... $$$$$$$$

I don't want money to take over this because what God did for us in this situation was truly a miracle. We had 2 months to raise the money to cover all the lawyer, court, guardian ad litem, hospital, and Biological mother fees. We were looking at upwards of $20,000. Hard to swallow at first, but already it was a blessing.... the agency we were working with before required a $10,000 agency fee; we no longer had to pay that going through the lawyer. Looking at that number in the face was scary, but we had the best lawyer in the world, and I believe God put her there to help us.

We hit the ground running, I quit school and went to work full time, and we were running fund raisers like crazy. We started a website, sold magnets, bracelets, baked goods, tshirts, and our church even did a car wash! Each time the lawyer asked us for money, we miraculously had it to give!!! We applied for every grant out there, but with the timing of our adoption, we were not eligible for any! Our family majorly stepped up and were sending us donations. It was seriously a miracle. We obviously did it, and to this day I could not tell you where every last dollar came from..... but I'm so very grateful!

Jaisalyn was born via C-section a week early on October 12th, 2012 at 8:15am. She was so beautiful and we were lucky to be there for all of her first moments. Her Biological Grandmother was there and so kind to us. She held Jais and prayed over her, as well as us! Jaisalyn was really sick in the beginning, and we weren't able to touch her with our skin for the first whole week of her life. When we finally did though, it was amazing. We "kangarooed" her lol! (It's when you lay her naked skin on your bare chest, so you can each feel each other's heart beats.)

We had to wait 2 days for her Biological mom to sign the paper work, since she had a C-section. The case worker came to get us to tell us whether or not she had signed, and we were a mess with nerves. We left to go call our family and deliver the news, meanwhile all the NICU nurses were freaking out since they saw me crying, and then we didn't come back!!! When we got back we had a huge celebration, and these nurses we had just met 2 days prior were crying with us. They were so happy for us. That was the most joyous occasion, and I'm so glad we spent it with those nurses!

Our little Chocolate Chip is still keeping it interesting!!! She is the light of our lives, and I honestly believe that Ilee picked her for us in Heaven. Jaisalyn saved our lives, and I pray we can instill in her how important she is and will always be!!!

That's all I got for now!

6 months

1 year

Fostering.... Not so Peachy

So we moved to Hinesville, GA in Sept 2009. We bought our house online while still in AK, and then drove to GA when it was time. We knew before we got there that we would be fostering, and would be doing so in the hopes to grow our family. Private adoption is very expensive, and there's a lot of waiting involved. Fostering, however, was free, and they needed people so we would be used and abused before we even knew what happened.

Before I dive into our story, I need everyone to know that this is my story, and my experience. I can only attest to my truths! Also, I've changed or abbreviated names for the safety and security of the children I cared for!

 Now that's out of the way, we were ecstatic to get our license. We contacted the DFACS (Department of Family and Children Services) before we even made it to GA, and set up our first orientation. From there we had to do 30 hours of training, back ground checks, finger printing, drug testing, and several home studies! The paperwork... well let's just say there was A LOT of it!!! A few months of getting all our ducks in a row, and then just waiting! Meanwhile, Chris was due to leave on his 3rd deployment, this time to Afghanistan. We concentrated on us while we were waiting to hear back from the state; did some traveling, family visited, and we had a failed pregnancy before Chris left in April 2010.

In June, I received my first phone call from the state asking if I could come get 3 children! THREE CHILDREN!!!!???? I kindly told the lady that I still hadn't even heard if we were licensed yet! "Oh," she said, "Congrats, now can you come get them?" I guess I failed to mention that it was evening time, so I said sure I will be there as soon as I can. I composed myself best I could and called my long time friend Melissa, who just so happened to live right up the street! (Your welcome Mel!) She was also confused since we hadn't heard whether we had been approved or not, but immediately came over to help me get ready! She handled the bedding, while I went to pick up E 6 years old, A 4 years old, and Ilee who was 6 weeks old. (You will hear a lot about Ilee) They were the most beautiful children I had ever seen. I was sooo nervous since this was my first placement, but somehow we all made it through. I had a lot of help from friends and our church at the time. I definitely couldn't have done it otherwise. People would just show up and drop off clothes, toys, and books! It was fantastic to have so much support. E, A, and Ilee were a lot of fun. We did so much together, but E and A had to go back to their bio family; which left Ilee and me to ourselves. It was just Ilee and me for a month or 2 when I got a call to take 2 more children. This time was K 4 and J 1. They stayed with me a short time. K was my first ethnic hair experience, and I was once again grateful for good friends who could help me out!

After, they left it was once again Ilee and me. She was the sweetest baby, and bonding with her was so easy. I loved her more than anything, and prayed for her safety in life. I wanted her to grow up to be strong, independent and loving regardless of where she went in life. She taught me how to be a mother, and I will forever be grateful for our time together.

A & A entered here for a very brief amount of time. They were sweet and energetic, but shortly went back to their family. I also did some respite care and got B 6 and D 2. They were a handful, and I had them for 2 weeks, while their foster family had to leave the state. Like E and A, they had been through a lot, which made caring for their needs a bit harder. The last kids I got before we stopped taking in kids were J 3 and N 2 months. They were presented to me as adoptable, and I eagerly took them in! I got ahold of Chris in Afghanistan to tell him the happy news, and we were in bliss for a whole 2 days, before we found out that there was a mistake, and they would be returning to their bio family. After them we decided to take a break.

There's a lot of details in Ilee's story, and I don't really want to put it all out there right now. For the time being, know that she is safe in heaven looking down on all of us!

Peace and love,
Queen B

Pee Pee in the dipey!!

I am sooooo over potty training! Chris is over it... Jaisalyn is over it... These crazy B's are over it!!!!!! It's so hard to understand what goes on in a little 2 year olds head! She knows what to do, and does it 75% of the time, but only if you initiate it. So the girl can't say Mom I have to pee, or etc... It's too the point where this girl is going to be 18 and still in pampers!

Ok, ok, so I'm exaggerating ALOT!! She knows enough now to tell us after she went... some may say progress. This girl here says FRUSTRATING!! But nevertheless, we will get there eventually. Hopefully before we get more little ones. At least that's my plan anyways. HA! Pray for us!

Was potty training the bane of anyone else's existence? I know we can't be alone. Having a toddler is rough. You have to be on them like glue! Jaisalyn's thing is buttons! If she see a button she push a button. It doesn't matter how many times you tell her no... today, yesterday, or everyday before.... this girl is gonna push that button. Do you know what she does after??? While you are sitting there watching??? You just told her NO for the umpteenth time..... she turns around with those pearly whites, those big ol' eyes and smiles!!! Really?!?!? Gahhhh! I need to make a recording and start playing it. I'm soooo tired of saying Jaisalyn "No mam" all day long!

While there is all the frustrations of a toddler; I feel like we can't leave it on that note... NAP TIME!!! My toddler still loves and needs her nap. The girl can sleep! I am so very thankful for nap time each and every day! I seriously look forward to it. You probably know just what it's like.... always wished for a little helper, and now they won't keep their little hands out of anything. Those 2 hours of pure bliss where I can take out the laundry and push the buttons and be done in 1 minute. Where I can fold all the clothes 1 time, and be done with out little hands folding too! It's cute the first few times, but then girl... it needs to get done! Come on!!

They are also in this everything is fascinating phase, and constantly learning. I love that. Chris loooooves that! He gets so excited... Babe she did this.... like I don't spend all day with her.... yep! Their cute!! Chris has taught Jaisalyn how to say "Merica! Everyone likes to ask, " Awwwww, where is she from?" and Chris in all his glory beams with pride when Jaisalyn yells 'Merica... seriously with authority!

Well I've done gone off in left field rambling.... More for later I guess!

Queen B

Infertile Mertile

While Chris was deployed to Iraq in 03-04; I finished high school, moved away and started college. I also set up our home and new life together, while waiting for Chris to return. It was the longest year of our lives. Mail was 6 weeks if we were lucky, and phone calls were even less. I didn't really have a support system outside of family since I stayed in Spokane. When Chris returned he didn’t have a job, (since he was Guard) so between the two of us, we had to work 5 jobs just to make ends meet. After two years of struggling and not getting anywhere we decided to join active duty Army. Chris left to switch his job to be an Army carpenter for three months to Gulfport, Mississippi and from there got orders to Fort Richardson, Alaska.

This is where our fertility journey began; after trying for over a year and having 2 miscarriages. Chris was tested, and I started to undergo extensive testing and procedures. We did testing for about a year (blood work, Ultrasounds, HCG procedure) before the doctors started us on a six month round of Clomid. Meanwhile, all of our friends and family were getting pregnant and extending their families. We felt as if we were missing out on a big part of what our purpose in life was. We've dreamed of having children together. I've always told Chris that I wanted 1 manually, and 6 adopted. He of course would laugh at my outlandish giant family ideas. Secretly, he wanted a big family too. Five months into treatments, and facing a one year deployment we decided to pay out of pocket to meet with an invitro-semination specialist. We traveled for 5 hours to receive bad news. We were told we would never conceive and should look into other means. It was heartbreaking to say the least, but we were determined that this wouldn't be the end of our story. While we were in Alaska we traveled the state enjoying all Alaska had to offer. We finished the Clomid and Chris deployed to Iraq for a year.

Upon Chris’ return, we received orders to Fort Stewart, Georgia. There we decided to begin the adoption and foster care process. As soon as we got settled in Georgia, we completed the application and began the certification. While we got certified, we met with another fertility specialist before Chris deployed again for a year, but this time to Afghanistan. Despite our history, the Dr. decided to put us on another round of Clomid; saying that a higher dose would improve our chances. After another negative result, we decided that the only thing we could do would be an insemination. We had to pay out of pocket and it resulted in our 4th miscarriage a week before Chris deployed. While Chris was deployed our house was opened as a foster to adopt home, or so we

thought. There were many children the state presented to us as “adoptable” that were in fact not.  I will dive more into our foster time in GA at another time.

I really wanted to talk about how the Clomid made me feel... it was awful. I was all over the place with emotions, hot flashes, cold flashes, uncontrollable crying, and of course the weight gain. At this point I had gained 80 lbs. I felt disgusting, and like a failure. How could I as a woman not fulfill my basic purpose for being created by God. I felt betrayed and hurt, and couldn't understand why others around us could get pregnant so easily, and not even be able to care for their children. It was the hardest time of my life.... at least so I thought.... God had many more heartbreaks for us before we could get our happy ending!

Thanks for joining me in this painful part of my life!
Ashlie- Queen B

Pop Pop Fizz Fizz

Hello, and welcome to the first Sunday of 2015. Oh... my.... lanta....  I'm sore!!! My sweet neighbor and new trainer (ass kicker) Becca has got me not able to pee! I would like to take this opportunity to let you all know that we have a second floor, which is impossible for me to avoid! Youch!!! Today we managed to make it to church! Woohoo! Very first Sunday of the year and we were just where we needed to be! Did I mention our church has stairs??? Lots of them??? Oh and they like to stand and sit a lot! FAB U LOUS!!! YOUCH!!! It was nevertheless a great sermon, and I'm glad to be headed towards where we want to be already! Just have to keep that momentum, right? The rest of our day has been lazy. Chris and I have been taking turns trying to stretch each other out. Now's a great time to call him out on not even being able to touch his shins! Yes I said shins!!! Jaisalyn and her sweet self was happily helping by poking us in the eyes, giving kisses and jumping on us. Isn't she swell! It's a family effort I guess!

What are some of your goals for the new year? Are they the same as everyone else? Loose weight? Become a better person? Maybe you just need to clean your bathroom more... I know some people that would be an excellent idea! I keep adding more to my list. That's what a new year is right? A fresh start... a chance to change everything. I'm happy to say that being debt free in 2015 was a goal of mine, and we made it happen Dec 2014.... wooo hooo! Ok, so I have to be more specific; we still have our vehicles, GA house, oh and school loans..... so we are officially Credit Card debt free in 2015!!! I'm excited! It frees up a lot of money to start saving and all that jazz. Which by the way we are absolutely horrible at.... again, got to start somewhere.

2015 feels like a wonderful place to start working on me, and my happiness. We are completely done with our foster care application... just waiting for our license. Then we will be super busy with children! ahhhhh! There's something about fulfilling your life's purpose that makes you feel on top of the world. We've had such a hard journey to get here, and I'm happy to be where I am now. It was by no means easy, and there were many times I didn't think Chris nor I would make it through, especially together! We did though, and we unfortunately did not come out smelling like roses most the time, but then again who does 100% of the time.

So far the many goals I've laid before myself our:
Blog
Health
Happiness
Savings
Salvation
CHILDREN!!!

These are the big ones at least! I hope you all have a blessed Sunday, and thanks once again for joining me.

with Love,
Ashlie

How Those Crazy B's came to be...

We grew up in the same teensy, weensy town that our parents and of course Grandparents grew up in too. We didn't run in the same circles, not that Reardan has many... hehe.... but we had mutual friends, and I of course dated Chris' step brother for awhile, ( we don't like to talk much about that)  and Chris dated several of my friends, including my best friend at the time. (It's a small town thing lol) Somehow, we ended up getting together in the Summer of 2001; the year Chris graduated. (yep he's old lol) My mom meddled since she knew we liked each other, and tried to get us together. My father wasn't a huge fan since Chris was older, and had just graduated from HS. BUT, we hung out and went out a few times, and things developed quickly for us.
On our first date Chris asked me to go to the lake with him and his family. I said sure and they came and picked me up. Chris' mom and boyfriend were in the front, and we were squished in the back with Chris' friend and new puppy. Puppy of course had not ridden in a car and threw up all over my feet. Overall, it was a good day until Chris' friend threw a dead fish in my lap, and later the boyfriend was pulled over for driving like an idiot. BUT all in all not terrible haha! We had our first ever kiss that day when Chris brought me home, it was TERRIBLE!!!! Seriously, worst kiss ever!!! Chris asked me to go to a movie with him and a friend, and I accepted. They came and picked me up, and I happily sat in the back seat, listening to some GOD awful song about "jar jelly". The movie was great, but on the way home I sat in front; which was a wonderful position to feel the Bassett Hound go underneath me when Chris ran over it. He pulled over to see if it was ok, but it was too late he was gone! I know  what you are all thinking.... why the heck didn't I run for the hills..... I can't answer that for you! However, I can say I'm forever grateful I didn't run! It only got better from there, and before we knew it we were inseparable. We had soo many fights and arguments, and then 2 seconds later we would be laughing and kissing. It was sweet and romantic, yet crazy and wild all at the same time. Wow!!! This was like forever ago... really feeling old writing this!!!

Chris had plans to go straight into the Army, and was supposed to leave for boot camp that Fall. However, he got Mono, and his ship date got pushed back a year. Which gave our new romance more time to be together, or not! We fought, broke up, and got back together monthly, weekly sometimes! I couldn't tell you why, maybe just because we were young or had nothing better to do! Anyhow, a year and a half after we started dating; it was finally time for Chris to leave for boot camp! He left in October for Training in 2002 for Ft Leonardwood, MO to become a Combat Engineer.
We wrote letters daily, the mail was slow back then. (we still have every single letter that each of us ever wrote) When it was time for Chris to graduate, I flew down to MO with my Grandma, and Chris' sister Holly. It was so awesome to be there for such a big part of his life. He was bald and had big ol' ugly glasses.... some are familiar: BCG's.... but he was mine, and I had missed him like crazy. We made it back to WA, just in time to find out that Chris had already been activated for 4 months, and would be going to Iraq; even though he was just in the Guard. The news was devastating since he was only home a whopping 4 days. We decided quickly that we would get married before Chris left, and have a big wedding when he came home from deployment. (little did we know that would never happen haha)

We ended up getting married Mon March 10, 2003 at 7pm. My parents, my best friend, and us went to a Hitching Post in Idaho so it would be legal, and then had a small ceremony at our church that evening. People were less than thrilled; they said we were too young and would never make it. HA we say HA! My parents got us a hotel next to the airport, and we went right there after our ceremony. We were honestly pooped, and didn't do much that night but sleep and snuggle. The next day I took Chris to the airport for what would be our first year long deployment! I missed school that day to get married!

If you made it through, and want to see more, I can't wait to give it to you....

Ashlie

2015... I'm going to do it all!!!

Every year like others, I make a mile long list of all the many ideas and goals to help better myself and our family. This year is no different in that I have at least 30 goals for the big 'ol 15!!! One of which is this blog. Everyone who knows us knows we have a crazy little life!!! UNDERSTATEMENT.... the first of many  probably! Any who, I've decided going forward I'm going to start documenting this hectic life of ours; in the hopes to help someone else! (Hopefully)

If you are new to The Crazy B's let me introduce us: I'm Ashlie, I will be 30 on the 17th! Gahh we could start there, and I could tell you that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever be 30, but I'm going to spare y'all the boo hoos and move on to my Lover Chris. He is my best friend and my hero! He's been through a lot of heavy stuff with me, and through it all he sticks around (still can't figure it out!) He's 32 and in the Army. We are stationed at Ft. Bragg, and will be here for a few years. Two years ago in October, we grew our family when we adopted our little hellion.... PRINCESS!!!! She's the perfect little addition to our crazy group. Her name is Jaisalyn and she keeps us on our toes daily! I will definitely dive more into details on how we got here, but for day 1, I think we are off to a good start.

Back to goals, One of my goals is to better me, Ashlie! I want to loose weight... who doesn't? My goal for this year is to lose 2 lbs a week at 52 weeks a year for a total of 104 lbs! It may seem like a lot, but I will still not be down to my goal weight even at that point. I have gained over 160 lbs in the 9 years we did fertility treatments. (Again more for another day) Our treatments were unsuccessful and it left me with this LARGE sense of FAILURE, and a body I hate and don't recognize. I did this to myself, and had no baby to show for it. It's not about all that though, I want to be happy more than anything! I want to be a good role model for our daughter, and I always want her to ask me to go out and do something crazy with her knowing that I will be game.... Nothing holding me down!!! So, here I sit day 1 of my workout completed, and although I finished... I found myself in a heap on our bedroom floor bawling my eyes out. My husband fresh out of the shower and in his under roos found me and tried to console me. In that moment, my pity party, I decided I'm going to talk about this!!!! Hence, a blog is born!!!!!!!!!!

If I didn't bore y'all too much, I hope you will come back for more!

Love to all,
Ashlie, Queen of  The Crazy B's